Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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