Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
