I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
