Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We need to get me chipped asap
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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