About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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