instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
