She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
