found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
