Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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