oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
