and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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