I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm passing your future prison.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize