those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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