youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
foreskin is a definite game changer
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
