im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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