I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Welp...herpes.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
