The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
