Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
