you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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