I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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