Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
