I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
