You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
