you have to choose: penises or morals?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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