it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
