i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize