it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
