So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize