Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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