that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
