dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
