and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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