For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
