He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
