I want to stick my p in your. b.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
