god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
