next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
