Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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