fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
