And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize