I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
