wanna go halves on a baby?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
