It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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