Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
