Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
