Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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