Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
