i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize