You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
time to smoke my breakfast
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
