wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
