3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I need to calm my uterus...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
