I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I understand Curling. That high.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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