How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
