i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
