He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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