dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Let's get the cat blown out
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
