dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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