this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
