I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
