my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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