Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
they need to just BURY HIM!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
we should paint friendship bongs
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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