Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
