i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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