she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
