Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
