My pussy is not your playground.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
