I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You are the jesus of drinking
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize