i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
