On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
