careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
