Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
