i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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