When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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