I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
