I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
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