Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
