If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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