girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize