That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
