fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
