I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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